take that leap

RuleofThumb.Mine.

2011-11-07T23:11:00.000+11:00

"rule 1: Trust ur lougong

rule 2: Trust urself

rule 3: Trust us

rule 4: If you have any queries refer back to rule 1,2 and 3"

Love,

Soph

The Thing you know,

2011-11-05T08:01:00.000+11:00

I do not forgive and I do not forget. Period.

Soberloves,
Soph

2011-10-09T21:43:00.000+11:00

Arguing with a fool proved that there was two. Us.

"how i love us both"..

Soph.

Soulmates?

2011-09-10T15:25:00.002+10:00

No. I don't believe in soulmates, and that we are destined to be together. We're just two people who fell in love and worked hard in this relationship. Somedays, really hard, I must say.

So, what would tear us apart you asked?

I guess, "nothing".

Crazyloves,

Soph

Page.One.

2011-08-07T01:08:00.005+10:00

there you are, breathing right next to me, holding me ever so tightly. i cringed. and then, bit my lip. ouch.

"oh snap, you are indeed real!"

like the velveteen rabbit, your love made me real.

I inhaled, and kissed him.

"See you in the morning, my love".

yawningloves,

soph

Brr.

2011-07-18T18:29:00.001+10:00

Winter times calls for Winter bites. Yum. Gah.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

2011-05-24T20:19:00.001+10:00

"With the mistakes you make along the way, You discover a little bit more of yourself."

You don't have the exact compatibility, but I enjoy sharing our differences baby, for You are the mistake, and the Discovery.

Soberloves,
Soph

I'm Glad,

2011-05-20T17:03:00.001+10:00

"That you are the chance for me to change......you just don't know it. Thanks."

Soberloves,
Soph

dried up.

2011-05-16T18:53:00.001+10:00

Under the hot running shower that morning, I thought to myself " will there be a day when I'm so stressed out and all I can do is avoid people that cares about me? "

That is, Today.

Obviously, you wouldnt understand. Gah.

Crazy loves,
Soph

P.A.S.T = Present.

2011-05-05T22:43:00.003+10:00

There were times when I feel so insecure with you. Often, I asked if I'm being kept in the dark. The fear, the tremor.

I miss the times when I could say "In between classes, I just want to tell you I miss you and I love you...." out loud.

What happened to just being happy about everything damn thing?

"Life" happened.

Heartbroken,

Soph

What am I looking at?

2011-05-01T19:44:00.003+10:00

Looking so far ahead, wishing that time would just fly past so quickly that you're right next to me once again. I definitely have missed you, my heart.

ps:// been busy with Life as it is, will be back.

Soberloves,

Soph

Just for you.

2011-04-13T23:34:00.003+10:00

“A guy and a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

- (500) Days of Summer-

heartfeltloves,

soph

As simple as it is.

2011-04-13T12:14:00.002+10:00

There is another something that a man can never do as a woman,

that is to "live for him and herself...."

And that is why, we're the Moms, and you're the Dads.

Loves,

Soph

What equation, what formula?

2011-04-06T00:26:00.002+10:00

Time, Love, You, Me = the future holds us all together.

heartfeltloves,

soph

WinterTimes.

2011-04-05T23:16:00.003+10:00

Our love remained unchanged, from the day we crossed path, till the moment i stare at you right now.

I long for the day you whisper right next to my ears.

Love,

Soph

This time,

2011-03-26T20:43:00.002+11:00

.....it is only fate. They often say, "You'll know it when you feel it". Maybe he is, but I have a feeling he is not, it.

If so, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

If only you knew.

Soberloves,

Soph

Oh no!

2011-03-12T19:58:00.001+11:00

It fell out.

The brightest heart is no longer there.

What am I to do?

Love,

Soph

Hey,

2011-03-10T16:23:00.001+11:00

I just want to say, "Thank you.......for you know what"

Crazyloves,

Soph

You, I mean you.

2011-03-08T13:16:00.002+11:00

Like I said before, you make my life oh, so beautiful. Because you put the stress at bay. Until you turn around and leave me standing lone, I will always be smiling.

Baby, you're a treat. So sweet and bitter at the same time makes you that special treat. You've thought me how to put a full stop in the past and allow myself to move forward. Now, I've come to see blessing in every situation. I've grieved. Yes, life is unfair. People are cruel. But a knock in my head told me to stop rewinding the painful memories of the past years. Just like how you knocked me silly.

My life is beautiful now, and I very much love my new chapter. Because little did I know that the past does not define my future unless I allow it to.

iloveyouloves,

soph

Shuts my eye.

2011-03-05T22:38:00.003+11:00

A relationship is with someone other than yourself. It's the something extra that you have to learn to fit into your life. Yes, you share mutual interests. Yes, you love him. But it's a lot more than that. It's about giving up a part of your personal space when you have someone else living in your heart.

A tiny part when you're a girlfriend, a bigger part when you're settled, and soon it'll be your whole life when you're the Missus.

Probably that's how the saying went, "Spending the rest of my life with you".

Because that's all you've got to give.

Annoys me how right that sounds.

To me, my glass is always half full. Therefore, it has never been a burden but simply a chip off some other block that I use to fill up my imperfect life.

Now you know why I say, "You complete me..."?

"Because you do...."

Maybe, fate had finally brought me the right piece this time around.

ClassicLoves,

Soph

Count me out,

2011-03-03T21:43:00.001+11:00

If you don't want to learn how to give and take.....

Let me tell you this,

2011-03-03T16:07:00.004+11:00

i'm a future-girl, you're the today guy.

i'm an emotional mess, you're the insensitive closed-up robot.

we're suppose to be mutual enemies.

this is how indifferent we are, yet, i know i love you for being different.

Having said this, never again will I be on the search for my Mr. Perfect because you,

you are my Mr. Right.

Stay, hold my hands, and let us burn, will you?

Heartloves,

Soph

When the season changes,

2011-03-02T19:46:00.002+11:00

So did we.

You used to be my friend, my only friend.

What happened?

Coldloves,

Soph

Shush, now....

2011-02-22T00:46:00.002+11:00

"When I stare at the beautiful you, my heart pounds so quickly. I hope you know how precious you are to me....."

Heartfeltloves,

Soph

Say what?

2011-02-10T23:07:00.002+11:00

How do you know if you've found the real deal?
"His heart beats like yours...."

xx
Soph

Do.You.Know?

2011-02-01T17:49:00.001+11:00

They say it's a river, that circles the earth
A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
it conquers all, it changes everything

They say it's a blessing, they say it's a gift
they say it's a miracle
and I believe that it is
it conquers all, but it's a mystery

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
and it fades away so easily

In this world we've created
in this place that we live
in the blink of an eye the darkness slips in
love lights the world
unites the lovers for eternity

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
to the beauty that remains

Look at this place
it was paradise, but now it's dying
I'll pray for love
I'll take my chances that it's not too late

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
and fades away so easily

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
to the beauty that remains

"Love Is- Vanessa Williams"

Soph

On a certain Today

2011-02-01T06:26:00.001+11:00

I want to say, "I'm sorry...". Kiss you, and tell you "Forgive me, will you?".

HeartLoves,
Soph

She says

2011-01-10T21:15:00.003+11:00

"He, the One, won't have the heart to make you cry.........."

Loves,

Soph

Whose heartbeat is that?

2011-01-10T17:48:00.003+11:00

I was completely crushed when he said, "Save your love for your Boi ya....."

Goddamnit. What does that tell you?

Rocking loves,

Soph

The.Best.Of.Loves.

2011-01-01T01:26:00.004+11:00

Everywhere you look, relationships are dissolving. I'm only one of the many millions out there. But 2010 was a special year for me. A very special year. The one year that has kept me in smiles without a reason. It could be Melbourne, or it simply could be me, learning how to love like I've never loved before.

For a while ago, I thought that I might go into depression. Could I fight it or will it just happen? Maybe I'm only bipolar, with mood swings and anxiety? Nah, I am not that.

"Then what on earth is making me sad?"

There must be a good reason to be sad. Even so, that does not mean I'm clinically depressed. Like many people, I have my share of the 'ups' and 'downs' bucket. Although, quite frequently lately.

Some mornings, I wake up in despair. But I don't tell myself that I'm 'stuck with it'.

"Today is just one of those days, tomorrow will be just fine." he often tells me.

I smile, get out of bed, and snap out of it.

I'm learning how to fight it. Cope with it. But I realized that a certain amount of depression is only normal in our lives. That perhaps is my type of yin and yang.

On a brighter note, I might be watching a lil too much Dr.Phil.

"How do you mend a broken heart?" I often thought to myself.

"How is it that I am ever going to forget you. Or even let go of that grip I held on tight for years now."

This year, I've learned something I simply never saw before. Coping with the grieve.

It hurts still. Even now. Although I cry less each and everyday, my heart is still grieving.

You promised to sing to me. You promised to say hello just to keep my heart beating. You promised to keep the throbs going as long as men would live, and birds would fly. You said we were birds of a same feather. That's why we flocked together.

We promise every other person a whole list of things when we're deeply in love. Didn't we? You and I both did. But no one is to blame. Just like why pansies bloom only over spring.

Moving on from the past is easier said than done. It can be a tad bit scary too. However difficult it was, I slowly came to terms with grieve.

He asked, "Do you regret letting me go?"

I sulked for a bit, and answered. "No, I don't. Everything happens for a reason. But I'll always remember that what's meant to be will always have a way to come about. Even between you and I."

I dont have to stop loving you just to move on. Just like how you tell me you still love me heaps. I am grateful. Really.

I'm in a place in my life where I accept things that happened around me to be logical. Surely yes, I believe that God puts people and circumstances in my life for a reason. But it was those experiences that has revealed the truth of faith to me. A matter of how faith guides me through obstacles. Or maybe, it is simply the logical part of the brain telling me its a tool I should use to deal with acceptance.

"You were a dream come true. And you brought along the magic wand to make my dreams come true."

I stared at the 'Velveteen rabbit" and wondered, "how will I ever forget you?"

As the sun is shinning through my thick confused skull, Conscience trailed off.

"You simply don't. You'll keep it in your heart forever and smile widely every time you think of it. Because it is the one bliss that no one can ever take away from. It's yours to keep."

With no one right next to me, I'm glad to say that this the one goodbye that is a good thing. I hope you'll recognize it too. After all, real love comes by only once in your lifetime.

This is where my heart stops beating for you.

"Happy New Year, babykins."

Loves,

Soph

They say,

2010-12-30T11:14:00.002+11:00

"If you're Happy with the Wrong one, just imagine how Happy you will be with the Right one"

Now where is my Right one?

3000 miles away.

Loves,

Soph

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T16:11:00.002+11:00

To you, babykins.

Before I take this leap to move on, I want to say, "My heart beats for you. Always had, always will."

Loves,

Soph

Irony.

2010-12-22T19:28:00.001+11:00

He asked, "So, I'm easily replaced?"

I wouldn't if I could, for you took my breath away a leap century ago.

Loves,

Soph

A thousand ways of I love you

2010-12-17T18:01:00.001+11:00

"Starts with you being the greatest thing about me"

loves,

soph

E.G.L

2010-12-15T13:18:00.002+11:00

Hold my hands, and walk with me. We'll walk together through the bumps and hurdles, for you're my eyes, my guide, my love.

Crazy loves,

Soph

My.Last.Name

2010-12-07T21:23:00.002+11:00

At this crossroad

I am staring at you

Whispering to you

"I'm forever yours, faithfully"

Love,

Soph

"What I know about women"

2010-12-05T18:11:00.003+11:00

"I think women are incredibly loyal. I'd say they are less ego-driven than men in making decisions" he trailed off.

"So learn to drop the ego, take a step back and listen to yourself....." I said.

"I will now, honey....."

Thanks for taking the time to share. I love you.

Sober loves,

Soph

Oh, Baby!

2010-11-26T21:51:00.002+11:00

"How much I love and hate you at the same time that it's ridiculous. Nevertheless, you put the smile on my face because you knocked me silly"

Asinine Loves,

Sophie

It might have been.

2010-11-25T19:19:00.003+11:00

I have always cried fie on those who wronged me, but perhaps, crying out at the sins of others was only a way of hiding my own iniquity?

Scarred,

Sophie

4-2=2

2010-11-23T11:22:00.002+11:00

It was as if sleeping with despair wasn't good enough, I bunked with physical pain.

Side by Side.

If only you'd take a step forward, and come make it right.

Hand in hand.

Love,

Soph

Reality eludes me.

2010-11-23T00:33:00.002+11:00

On a certain Friday morning, it was planned to start with a simple question,

"Will you marry me?"

Love,

Soph

Counting.still

2010-11-21T22:05:00.001+11:00

Just four more days, and I'll officially blow my brains out, no matter how happy I may be right now.

Soph

Boo,Who?

2010-11-18T21:39:00.002+11:00

When you throw something bad out the window, something good jumps out of the bag......

"Peekaboo" he said.

Good things comes hand in hand, don't they?

Warm loves,

Sophie

GuessWhat?

2010-11-17T18:57:00.002+11:00

I'm currently curled up with the book called

"The one That got away"

Ironic Fate.

Sober loves,

Sophie

Who did?

2010-11-16T20:49:00.002+11:00

"You did.
You made falling on my knees alot more painful that it should be.....
And things seem alot harder without you around....
You officially put the Sad into Life."

Crazy loves,
Sophie

This.Is.For.You.

2010-11-13T11:32:00.004+11:00

Nicely done, mister. Submerged truth never stays hidden, you should know it. You owe me an apology.

Crazy loves,

Sophie

2010-11-04T22:19:00.000+11:00

"If only you know missing you makes me cry"

I.Quote.You

2010-11-03T12:30:00.001+11:00

"When you're truly in love, you don't need to reassure yourself,

He is The One"

Much Loves,

Sophie

Backslashed.

2010-11-02T19:31:00.002+11:00

If you know me well, I was oblivious every other day.Over the years, we were never really on the same page. Different perceptions we often have. I was undoubtedly ignorant at times but deep down inside, I clearly know how good he was.

Like I always say "He's not Mr.Right, but he's good for me.."

How good you asked?

Let's just say Mr.B puts the angry S at bay.

Like many, I am only human. I've came across failed relationships ever so countlessly, hence I put my guards up high. Finding you the second time around wasn't enough to battle the insecurities the others had bedded me upon. It was tough, I have to admit. Because I was so afraid to get hurt again, I let you loose at most times. I needed much courage but you could have been patient. Instead, you stayed for a while, broke my heart once more, and told me I had my guards too high up. Nevertheless, the scenario stayed as an ephemeral reminder that,

"I believe in love still..."

With a bright laugh, "I Love You"....I may say, until the world denies me the permission to say it out loud.

Daiquiri Loves,

Sophie

This.Is.It.

2010-11-02T14:25:00.001+11:00

"Before someone takes away your tomorrow, cherish those you love, appreciate them Today"

Sober loves,

Sophie

1-1=Also.Bagel.

2010-10-31T15:59:00.004+11:00

One plus point for me and you, ironically. When two person are let apart from the strand of the relationship thread, one cries and more commonly, the other exhales. I asked, "Where is the logic to this?"

I have two mice the table, yet I lost the one that actually meant something. I always knew, you were the one. Yes? Sorta yes. But subconsciously, my brain tells me the things my hearts yearns for to hear. So, yes, you have always been the one.

You often say yes, I often hear no. I thought, "Well, ups and downs, that must be it. This is my real relationship.."

I cry when I miss you. I cry myself to bed when I truly love you. I cry when you asked me to marry you. I often cry, all because I'm a weeper, and that I truly love you. It's a beautiful picture, don't you see?

One cries for the one he loves, for she beats the same heart as his. Rhetorically. I would not ask for more but simply Welcome you to my world. A colorful world built upon concrete foundations of love.

"2 (Hearts) - 1 (Reality) = 1 (Heart)"

It really is all about the math, really. Listen to what the heart says. But you should know, you're already in my bed of love no matter how hard you fight back to reality. Kudos.

All is lost, albeit the holding on tight mentality. Nevertheless, one cannot stop loving the other as long as the heart wants what it wants. Growing up puts the Shit into Life, yes it does. One step at a time okay honey?

The beat of the heart tells you the right kind of wrong. I'll see you in the future.

Heart Speaks Love,
Sophie

1+1= ZERO

2010-10-27T05:34:00.002+11:00

I promised not to let fools in. But a misunderstanding tore us apart. You may wonder, how indifferent we are.

Two different people came together to give the best out of happiness to each other. I played my part, you did yours.

Over the night, I thought it through. Whatever did I do that was wrong at all? Was I wrong to want a brand new start with you? Was I wrong to scrape the burnt out past from us? Was I wrong to tell you this is what it takes to keep us alive?

It took me courage because of the past. You often tell me it's not going to be the same anymore. But didnt you know, I had to take time to heal?

I needed time, you didn't understand. I said yes, you heard no. We're both fools.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

And.I.Love.You.Still

2010-10-24T21:39:00.003+11:00

For a while ago, I was holding on tight to something I myself never believed in. Yet, I held on tight. It shouldn't have been hard. It shouldn't have.

He asked, "We both feel the same towards each other, wouldn't that be enough?"

"Over the past whole year, I have been happy.
Alot happier than I was for the past 6 years.
Because, I didn't have a heart.
One that bleeds and tears for the man I could love.
I thought I could never love again, until I found you.
You had me a hello.
Turning back was something that I had to learn how to do.
For it was harder that starting anew.
We talked about how fate threw us back together,
about how the future now holds.
There were promises that we both made.
But Promise is just not my game.
I live with insecurities.
Insecurities about you and I.
I yearned for the sense of responsibility,
Yet I couldn't handle commitment.
I had it planned to be simple,
but it was molded to be hard.
I took a breath,
and I took a step back,
hoping to let my soul go.
But little did I know,
my heart is finally bleeding,
and tearing for you once more."

Instead of telling him this, I kept myself in sobs and went to bed. Will tomorrow be a better day, for both you and i?

Crazy loves,
Sophie

1 year ago.

2010-10-20T13:44:00.003+11:00

I looked exactly like this.
Nice long Grass hair.
How sweet.
Give me back my youth, will ya?

Crazy loves,Sophie

Simply Because?

2010-09-24T19:04:00.003+10:00

I don't see No Love, No Fate, No Destiny.

But I know I was looking the right way when I found you.

You were looking back my way, and you made me smile ever since.

I Love Us.

The.One.I.Love

2010-08-28T21:45:00.003+10:00

Is You. Thanks for 'The Velveteen Rabbit'.
You're a dream come true.

Teary loves,
Sophie

Listenin to 'Bottle it up'

Transitory Emotions

2010-08-06T19:30:00.002+10:00

I have all the privileges in the world to be emotional just cause I'm a woman. Bite me.

Reading through my older posts, I realized I was such a B.R.A.T. wtf. Grosses the shit out of myself. Thank god that bitch left this body. tsk tsk.

I love Sophie T. now and I love you all. lolz. wtf.

Crazy loves,Sophie

Listenin to'Greg Laswell- The one I love'

2010-06-02T21:52:00.002+10:00

"'Do you know, I'm thinking of you, dreaming of you, missing you, wishing you're here, hoping you'll see my shout out in fb, reply my msg.. ?"

My phone rang.

"I miss you..." he trailed off.

Loves,
sophie

Sign of relive?

2010-05-24T15:31:00.001+10:00

If I die tomorrow, I'll die with regrets. A pocketful of R.E.G.R.E.T.S.

What about you?

I'm back.

2010-05-17T19:24:00.005+10:00

Yes. I'm back and here to stay. I figured I could actually blog with my phone. Lol. I miss my peeps, I miss home, I miss everything. Oh, and I miss bitchin with Jason. :p

And before i get so carriedddd away, I think age difference sucks. But fun at the same time. And I'm talking bout 19, 27 and 45. My housies know what I'm fussing bout. :p

Without that boi, dat damned boi, in my life, days has never been better. Yes, you, ass, you wasted 6 friggin years of mine. If I hadn't cheat on you the countless times, oh, what gray gray days I would have had. So I cheated, like how you did. Bite me. Scram off. Lol. Okay, now this sound a lil like a Hate Note. It should not, should it?

*Shakes off pissed face*

*Sulks to the person next to me so he gives me a big fat hug*

*All smiles*

As I was saying, ah, days are so good now. I wake up with a smile every morning, and its the fact that nothing else is going to take this smile away throughout the day, tells me Bliss. Oh, God, you're too kind to me!

I walk past the beach almost every morning and inhales the fressssshhh colddddd autumn air on my way to work. And at work, I interact with people who keeps that smile on my face. I officially love being single, and am rreadddyy to mingle. Oh wait, I already am.

*grins*

Although Mr. Perfect is out there waiting for me to hunt him down, nothing beats dating 'oh, so stupid boi' now. Lol. I'll tell you bout it when the time is right.

I may sound crazy now but I hope you see how fucked up my days were before, and only with what colors I have now could make my world sensible again. I could go on and on and on cursing, "Damn you Suan..." but I'd rather not. Not because I'm not bitchy, but because I'm having the nicest company with awesome coffee in the cold right now! Lol. A happy bitch I will remain.

Crazyyyyyy loveesssssss,
Sophie

*Btw, I'm a damned workaholic now. Lol. Haven't you heard? Mr. Money's my Mr. Right.*

The.truth.is.

2010-04-12T20:35:00.000+10:00

It's not that i miss you, I simply miss loving someone. Being a girlfriend. Being in a relationship. Not you. I'm so over you even before I realised it. Makes me feel so good. Thanks.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

It's a roller coaster ride.

2010-03-24T15:15:00.002+11:00

Merely five years ago,

"hey girl, can we skip all of this and talk bout it after the exams?" he finally
uttered and with that revelation, i let out a raspy cry, or more like a moan it was,
and tears started to burst forth simply like an automatic sprinkler. He was then left in
utter silence. "what did i do wrong this time again? y this again?" i asked
in agony sobs.

For all these years, he came and left a gazillion times. It is only fair that he come back once more. Or should he not?

Much loves,
Sophie

The Truth Is

2010-03-09T22:59:00.000+11:00

With so much grudge, I'd rather start anew and take em guilt into my grave.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

One.More.Day

2010-02-15T14:37:00.001+11:00

And I'll be home. For now, let's ruin me liver and me lungs.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

All that before Today.

2010-02-09T19:48:00.004+11:00

I love the fact that I am painting my nails black again.

I love the fact that I am eating right, drinking right.

I love the fact that I now have freedom. To do all the things I want.

I love the fact that I have a tattoo appointment this Thursday.

I love the fact that I stashed away all your belongings. I don't need em no more.

I love the fact that I think you're nuts at times. Unattractive that is.

I love the fact that I don't ponder upon the day you will man up and tell me you love me still. Not anymore.

I love the fact that I do not miss you anymore. Don't miss you, no more.

I love the fact that I am happy for you. Good for me, good for you.

Do you remember? All the times we had?

I beg, for you to not bring it back.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

The.Dialogue.

2010-01-27T00:41:00.003+11:00

"Hmm...you're not who I used to know anymore..."
"Of course, I was 18 back then!"
"You're so different know, I feel the distance...."
"........"
"But I like it you now better..."
"............ okay..."

Thanks for loving me for who I am.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

Things.I.Damn.Miss

2010-01-24T02:14:00.005+11:00

I came across it and only now it struck me, all I have left are these.

"What is gone is gone, forever......my good ol days"

Crazy loves,
Sophie

p.s:// I miss you, Kelvin.

Something.I.Like

2010-01-22T17:04:00.004+11:00

Myself.

What about you?

Crazy loves,
Sophie

So.In.Tune.

2010-01-20T01:51:00.008+11:00

Yes, my life is so in tune right now. I'm looking and experiencing a whole new world. Well, at least it is from my balcony.

He just hung up. There were no butterflies in my stomach when I hear him murmur "Yeah, I miss that too". Or when he utterly expresses me as "Baby". Or when he enunciates "Hello" in the cutest way. It wasn't cute anymore. In fact, it was a lil bland. Our occasional colloquy used to drown me in my own pool of drool. But not today. Or never again.

Like Savignon Blanc, I needed a breather. Every time before I dialed his number, even after 2 years of disengagement. Like many couples, our differences ruptured the relationship. I was ungrateful. I was oblivious every other day. I was futile. And I was insensible. He, on the other hand, was self-centered. Yes, he was. I hated the person I became. I was always in rage. While he resented, we were bitter. I hated abusing you, and the other way round. We hated each other, but I loved you still. You were cute. You were cautious with my heart. You were always there. And you were mine.

Over the years apart, our differences grew. I want things in life contrary to when I was with you. You live in a world a far cry from mine. The color of the sky above us are distinctively unequal. All, in defiance of the integral bed of love we share still.

Like how Christianity speaks of fallen angels, here on earth people drift. Over the distant years, we wandered off. I know. I did it. There were a million chances. I could have embraced that. Instead, I dragged it dreadfully. Dreamily waited to be set free.
And then?
And then i pretty much walked away from it.

Nov, 2008:
"can anyone, anything, somehow, take the thing that's hurting this much away from me? it seems like it lies within me, throbbing ever so quickly. '' no, sorry, there's no way its going to be the same again'' he trailed off. i thought i heard him quiver, but he added, ''i'm positive''. there goes my chance. ahhh. "

Thanks to you, I had 5 good years in Sunway, with 2 being top notch. 2 great years. I used to cry when I had to sustain the overwhelming loss but as I'm typing, you are the reason I'm smiling. You are the one piece that makes my heart whole again.

With memories of us in my heart, I don't want to turn back the hands of time. I don't want to feel iniquitous. And I certainly do not want to mend it with remorse. The full stop is there and I see it now. Good for you, good for me.

To those who have been around all these years, it's safe to say now that,

"I'm okay. I'm good. And I'm ready for a new battle of L.O.V.E"

Sober loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'If I could turn - R.Kelly'

Dream.One.

2010-01-19T16:17:00.003+11:00

Little did he know that this could have been the greatest gift of all

I guess dreams are most likely to stay as dreams

And this is just one of that million of mine

Crazy loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'Wherever you go - The Calling'

Night. Away. From. Drama.

2010-01-18T23:24:00.007+11:00

Like I said, I whipped something nice for myself and a good friend, just to get away from drama.

That's soft shell crabs, takoyaki, and kimchi you're looking at. It was sushi night with good ol plum wine.....ahhh.....jealous much?

Crazy loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'Beautiful girl - Jose mari chan'

Pocketful of Regrets.

2010-01-18T14:29:00.002+11:00

"Everything I've done are mistakes, including loving you......"

Like they say, every ending comes a new beginning. This is where my stage play begins. Films will start rolling and every move I make will be worth the while.

Hmm...I shall whip something nice for myself tonight, and do some alone time.

Much loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'Again- Janet Jackson'

It's.True.

2010-01-17T15:30:00.005+11:00

What you do with your life is only half of the equation, the other is Who you're doing it with...

Crazy loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'Hurricane - 30 Secs to Mars'

Full.Stop.

2010-01-16T23:47:00.003+11:00

I wondered,

What if I'm someone who doesn't end up getting happy?

If he is the right guy, I would never let him leave.

But what if there is no right guy?

There is.

He can be right under my nose.

For now, this is where i take off.

See you around loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'With me - Sum41'

Did.You.Know?

2010-01-16T03:35:00.003+11:00

That I miss you.

That you're beautiful in every ways.

That you make me smile.

That you're the light that drives me wild.

That your blithe ignorance keeps me sane.

So please stay for a while now.

I need you.

Funny how things turn out to look like now. U and I, far apart.

"I don't want this moment to end, cause everything is just nothing without you" ......ahh, bliss? yes, bliss much.

Ground zero.

It's true, I am nothing without you. If I could, I won't let you go.

The moment you don't let go, is when you bless my soul.

I can see it, I won't fight it.

Smile for me, and I'll do the same for you. It is a cycle after all.

Much love,

Sophie

Listenin to
'I want to know what love is - Mariah Carey'

It Starts Now.

2010-01-10T18:53:00.008+11:00

Every year, we promise ourselves to start something new, or at least quit what is bad for us. I told myself, "hmm, this year, I will grow thin, quit drinking and call mom more often..."

For some people starting a new life is their ultimate dream come true, for me it's a daunting but necessary lifestyle change brought about by deceit and betrayal.

There's only so much we can do to right the wrongs that we have done in the past. Reputations and characters have been destroyed, and vindictive people are unlikely to forgive and move on. I am one of them. So don't annoy me.

It's time to get the hell out of this and start over with a fresh state.

I kept pondering.
"When will karma bite him back...?"
"It already is happening, without him realizing it....." Von trailed off.

There it was, brighter days beyond that glaring sun. I smiled. I'm finally contented.

Ok, I know I owe you a story about my Third round of despair but let's keep it this way for starters. After all, I'm not a backstabwhore.

Need.Air.Love.Not you.Bite me.

Crazy loves,
Sophie

Listenin to
'This Dance - Five for Fighting'

First.Day.Of.2010

2010-01-02T01:57:00.003+11:00

I asked myself, "Did he stop loving me, or Was he tired of our relationship"?

With the daily squabbles, you deserved better afterall.

Love,
Sophie

It takes time

2009-11-05T12:21:00.008+11:00

That full sized theodic pump that goes 'boop boop boop' whenever he says "morning baby" was broken. I often ask myself, do I not deserve happiness? Twice bitten, makes me a fool, but this time, I feel like a goo. Smashed one last time as if I'm only a flan. Days are going to be dreadful, and so i thought. Somehow it feels different now.

Day 1: completely out of control. crying was all i did.
Day2: hoping that there'll be a brighter light to guide me if I just keep looking. Cried even more.
Day 3: Talked things over. It's officially over. He hugged me and said, "It's all my fault, I will always love you. You'll always be that special someone". Trusted that, came home, started blaming myself for driving him away.
Day 4: Called me in the morning to check on me. Felt sick with the thought of that. Told myself, "He is indeed a prick". Slept with anger.
Day 5: Woke up with a little smile on my face. I know, days will be brighter for I already knew the truth. Infidelity is something so common, yet so unforgivable.

From then, I know, I'm not as weak as i thought I'd be. Its the same sort of pain I'm aware of. Took me 5 days, bucketful of tears, but the rest of my life to forget. If i ever will.

Twice bitten, I'm shy. That third time was a charm. A brutal reminder, it will remain.

Love,
Sophie

I guess I was never really in love with you at all.

Stop the Dolphin Slaughter in Japan!

2009-08-18T20:55:00.002+10:00

The COVE, is going to be very interesting movie and i cant wait to watch it this week. Opening 20th August. Many said that it is the most heartbreaking documentary ever made. This film about massive slaughter of dolphins in the town of Taiji, Japan is led by Louis Psihoyos, the director, and was inspired by Richard O'Barry, a former dolphin trainer.

After watching the trailer and the interview with Richard O'Barry this morning, I cant help but ask, why are these dolphins suffering, and what have they done to deserve this. They obviously have just as much right to live in this world as you or i.

I've signed the petition, donated, and prayed.
Instead of spending that 15 minutes to sign up and vote for your favourite FHM woman, how about using 5 minutes here to try make a difference in this world.

loves,
sophie

Time Set Aside

2009-08-12T16:33:00.004+10:00

....to update, finally.

1. chicken rice

garlic ginger rice
coriander and chillies

honey soy roasted half-chicken

2. curry chicken rice

homemade chinese pancakes
- with onions -

hit me for recipe? lol ! will update more soon!

crazy loves,
Sophie

The all anew that hurts

2009-05-14T22:21:00.006+10:00

.

.How did all this happen in such a short short time?
It seemed like I have just reached here this morning. I miss home.
How do people start everything all over again? From having nothing to something then back to nothing again.

When I was first enrolled in Taylors, I was alone. Me, single, alone. Then I had house mates, classmates. Friends. That small circle grew so wide that I had a farm all to myself. Madu, Yang, Bee.
It started with a single bed in a shared room to the unit all to myself. I get to pick the brown carpet to go with the Japanese table in the living hall. The fridge was mine. Basil pesto, T-bone, anchovies fillets, mustard. I always had fresh supply of thick cream for carbonara.

Just a moment ago I asked myself, where did all that go.
I realised I have moved past the whole transition and all that is needed is an ending. Where I end up marrying to the man I love. The only thing needed was to let my fridge sit in that acre square kitchen. Hypothetically.
That was the dream.
That was the way things should have been for me.
Instead, I'm stuck here. All anew again.
Im in a room and I have a shared kitchen with my mates.
The fridge is not mine anymore.
I dont buy T-bone cause they dont eat beef.
I dont buy dinning plates that were so white it glares.
I dont buy lilies just to keep the counter always smelling fresh anymore.
I miss it.
I miss everything.
I miss having it all.

I shouldn't be starting all over again. Should I? I had it all didnt i? I did. Yes, I did. All I needed was an ending. Where has it all gone to now?

How cruel.

NOTE

2009-04-21T17:44:00.004+10:00

I've been extremely busy, and obviously backlogged, but i need to tell you guys this

Susan Boyle made me weep. Not literally. ahhhhhhhhh

I'm so happy to see her fulfilling her dreams albeit being 47.
I'm touched.

here: Britain's Got Talent 11th April 09

Promise me u'll watch?
i watched it 3 times and i'm still watching. :)

And that face on Simon, priceless.
Simon, that i still find one of the sexiest man alive, succumbed to that of Susan Boyle.
And i think i saw him letting out an "ahhhhh" like mine :)
Watch it, and you'll see i marked my point well.

Now you boys know, never to make fun of non appealing girls.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Loves,
Sophie

Blame Note.

2009-03-22T20:23:00.006+11:00

It has been two weeks, or more that I have not co-existed with my own laptop.

So just to update, I was in my comfy zone, watching the new GossipGirl, while snacking away. I don't potato-couch. I potato-bed. Well, if it makes any sense to anyone.

But that wasn't the point. So as I was saying, I watched GossipGirl. Glooming into it.

The whole 43 minute drag was much predictable, as usual and I kinda have to say that all the-beating-around-the-bush is really killing it.

Just as I was about to be deadly drowned in predictable lines, I snapped out of bed, and rewind.

"Sometimes, fate throws two lovers together, just to tear them apart....."

How true. I was awakened. Really, it is true.

Reality check. How often do you hear something, or even read sentences that snap you out of your Cinderella land? Which was quick by the way, like a blink of an eye. Not literally.

How many times have you asked yourself this,

"Did he break up with me cause I'm the worst girlfriend he's ever had?"

"Does he not love me as much already? Is that why he doesn't want me anymore?"

Ah, so many questions, yet none answered.

I know how tormenting it was to be in a position like that. I used to sit up straight, staring right through the ceilings, only to find that it was never there. I would feel stone cold even in the ambient of 30 degrees. It was bad, I would say. Break ups were nasty.

Some were lucky to grow out of it. Some would try to bury it deep down inside, living in the days of denial, get a new partner, yet let the beast out once in a while whenever somethings remind you of him. I, on one hand, bailed out.

I know the stench of breakups are awful, but at least now, you know who to blame.

Fate.

Think of it.

Weird, but indeed true.
Ironic, because I am one who once wrote, on a particular February the 14th,

'It was fate that brought us together, and it is a promise, that we'll stay together, forever.'

Yes, you may think, how corny. 'Forever' Or 'Fate'?

Love is overrated.

I'm a lover myself. Needless to say, I've said "Forever" more times than Miss World has said "World Peace". Epic.

Today, "Forever? No. It'll be nice, to just have a long life with you...."

crazy loves,
Sophie

p/s: Donkey, I'll try to update the recipes soon. Really. Still trying to compile them up. Yes, still trying. Been two weeks remember? :)

Earthquake in Melbourne

2009-03-06T22:53:00.003+11:00

I was frightened to death. For the whole 10 seconds everything in my room was shaking. What a day. I thought I was delusional. Then I started googling it, kept refreshing, just to prove that I wasnt. It was bad. My table lamp was flickering, then my wardrobe mirrors started shaking so badly.

I kept refreshing the page in google. Donkey said, I shouldnt be. I should be hiding under the table or the bed. True. But this doesnt happen everyday, and I wasnt properly trained for. Mind me.

What would you do if it was you?

Here.

Loves,
Sophie

2009-03-03T18:37:00.004+11:00

I have a couple of updates....

Today's weather was really bad here in Victoria. Strong winds are taking the fires with them and almost all of the Northwest Victoria were affected with bushfires. Market slumped like never before in 5 years time. Bad day for all.

My built-in mic iz spoil.

Been trying to update my shoplog but to no avail. But I have a preview tho, a gud start i'd tell myself.

Lindcraft, the favourite place to spend money. :) Yes, I'm a big kiddddd

And I've been cooking alot lately. Yes, that's me. Look like a pro dont I?

1. I stir fried onions and good ol curry leaves before simmering the cream, good enough to make fragrant cream spag. Topped with avocado. Extra creamy ait?

2. Everyone loves these buffalo wings. Don pay dollars in Chilli's for em, pay me! Buzz me for the receipe yea? Ahaks.

3. Shanghainese rice with stir fried mushrooms.

4. Tom yam noodles. :) You know, the trick to make tomyam as fragrant as possible is to do this. Stir fry the paste, those chopped onions, lemon grass(MUST) and tomatoes. Yes, it seems like all i did was stir fry, but trust me, it makes a hell of a difference. Then you add the over flavoured paste into the hot soup and garnish with cucumbers.

Thats how i keep my bunny hungry all the time. Hungry for more? Yeaps.

5. Just the other day, I was starving for curry. I've never made curry in my entire life. Yes, Never. Cause for most of my life, I have the next door mamak. Ahh, bring me home anyone?

So I had to do it myself. It was alright, just a lil bit of that sweaty mamak smell, purrfectt... :(

6. Try making good use of chicken leftovers for a big fat sandwich all for yourself. Mayo, tomatoes, a small bit of chopped chilies and avocado. Swear to make you fat. Like me.

Oh, and I was in this Bently Arnage. I'll show you the pictures soonish. That's if im not too lazy.

And do check this out. Pilot whales and dolphins, dead on the shores of aussie land. Breaks my heart. Here.

Till then,

Sophie

My new love

2009-03-03T18:04:00.000+11:00

Yes, title says it all. I have a new love, my babykins.

She's pink, and she sings like this, " My name iz Eastikk, I am spaztikk, Cuz my ribbon iz terbalikk"

Haha, I know, I'm spaz. She's so cute, I swear I did talk to her. I sound lonely. My room is stuffed like never before.

Also, my condolences to ah kor, and I miss you. Come back soon :(

loves,
sophie

Mandatory, no.

2009-02-22T18:42:00.007+11:00

I won't be describing how unbearable the pain was, but you can be the judge of it.
I won't say where I got it from, but Mr.Artist, you didn't really do a good job...and there was absolutely no need to leave me with your email address.
The work of art is still peeling up till today, but I'm sure it'll turn out all fine.

ps:// Jason, no one loves the band. Scarce.

Updates:

I now have a domestic pet. It stays in my room. Stays with me through thick and thin, day and night. How odd, yea?
It's the damn fly that has been buzzing around in the room for the last couple of days. Through thick and thin, yes. Through ups and downs, yes. I might just get attached to it for the next days if its still not going away. And you know why I call it my domestic pet? Cause I FEED it, and did not KILL it.
I'm going to name it, VERA.
crazy loves,
sophie

Who painted me in blue?

2009-02-20T18:41:00.010+11:00

I heard a giggle. A woman's, for sure. Light, and definitely a devil.
The door swung open, and she saw me.
With a faint smile, she trailed off, "Hi, you must be the wife..."
"Oh, hello there, and you are?", i tried not to gutter.
"Melissa, the ex..."

*******************************************************

Long story cut short, I woke up on a soaked pillow. First in so many years, and it is definitely not something i'm proud of. Or would you? Maybe when I'm free, there could be a whole story for you. :)

*******************************************************

Just the other day, a friend said to me, a blog is not a blog if you dont update it. i shrugged to that. i've not exactly been too busy yet i feel the blues everytime i look into my computer. urgh i hate this place. 25 random things about me? i'd be delighted to start with the '25 things i hate right now'. its not the weather. and its definitely not the room. or maybe it is, i can't be sure. but i'll do it anyways.

'25 things i hate right now'

1. the cubic im in, makes spongebob squarer.
2. i seem to be suffocating.
3. the stupid fly won't buzz out of the room, urgh.
4. help.
5. the aircon is on, yet im sweating.
6. i need to shower, again.
7. there's nothing nice on tv.
8. i miss kl.
9. i miss home.
10. i dont like it here.
11. i wouldn't stop urgh-ing if im going to be stuck here for another 24 hours.
12. i would give everything up for the life i've been living before.
13. i want to knock on sara's room and give him a fright, then leave laughing to myself.
14. i miss cooking in my small dirty messy kitchen back in sunway.
15. i want to call ah pinn up for nasi lemak.
16. have i mentioned the stupid cubicle im in?
17. i want to go BU and have thai food.
18. i miss movies in bu.
19. i miss the jam at ldp.
20. i wish my 012 wud ring. ahhhhh
21. i wish the same ringtone is playing.
22. i seem to be suffocating again.
23. i miss 8tv.
24. i miss my life.
25. i AM NOT happy.

'Ironically, the things i still do love'

1. my new tat

2. my old-wedded wife

3. daddykins

4. mom n sis

5. the grizzly beast

or cud this be better?

6. ironic

if i were to tag anyone, the torment might not be going away for awhile. like it already is. can u sense how disturbed i am being in this place? like ive said, i'd kill for the days before. i would, i would, i would really kill, but i can't turn back time. i haven't been exactly happy since i was here. but there are to treasure. summer back home was nutritious, to replenish my tortured brains, but i need air. space. love. home.now.
i am helpless.
hows your day?

loves,
sophie

Summer's back bits

2009-02-19T20:22:00.001+11:00

nothing beats the gud ol b

loves,
sophie

8 long hours

2009-02-03T04:14:00.001+11:00

i urgh, can't wait for the long 8 hours, urgh urgh.

i miss you :(

the long list

2009-01-22T18:35:00.005+11:00

1. i've been putting on weight. kilos = healthy.

2. got my driving's licence...ahh...good

3. retail therapy

4. travelled

*December*

precious

mommy? yes.

*christmas*

*Penang* with a reasonable amount of laughters

yes, i was trying to act cute. the bois know why, ahaks!

imagine the best afternoon nap was right after 'o jian', cendol, popiah, kuaytiaw, chaikueh.....ahh

fail la my cuteness

highlights? my -lined-eyes -_-

smile zhou, not like this!
there u go...

my hair... -_-

drama

balls nite, :)

dont say Cheese, he says C***

the Fun wagon clips.

pariah case aloud? scroll down!

u put all these ppl together in a gang, this is what u get.....
happy days

5. met up with gud ol peeps

6. my bro left :(

that boi, in munich, all that winter, and all i have are these, urghh...not fairrrrrrrrrrrrrr

1998

2000

my 21st

his 19th

some ppl say, we're siblings. how true.

love you always,

je

7. my baby sis aged another year,

and she's going to look like me soon....maybe?

8. n spending time with the B. that is 'B' for the Bunnie.

*conversation*

S: do you know who tinkerbell is?
B: oh...the cat?
S: huh? what cat?
B: u know, in movies, cats are always named tinkerbell?
S: really? anyway, i was talking about Peterpan's Tinkerbell....u know right?
B: oh yea, that one! the small lil thing that flies? insect or something yea?

*I had a good laugh. You made my day honey.... *

here's a hint of what that lil flying insect looks like B,

9. and i spent the whole day drooling over the little mermaid, wishing, ahh...how good would it be like to be Ariel.... :)

crazy loves,
sophie

To A New 2009!

2009-01-01T04:02:00.000+11:00

it's a brand new year, and it'll b a brand start..

to send all the love i have for my baby boi,

''I'll never look back again......"

crazy loves,
sophie

update? no?

2008-12-30T01:55:00.001+11:00

i've been running around, holiday, shopping...all so busy with my shoplog...and missing my boi.:)
will update soonz!

loves

im an idiot!

2008-12-26T02:08:00.003+11:00

scream with me, im an idiot...a total moron....
ive been home for so many weeks and i have obviously been taken a fool of for that bloody long...
i swear, he is my biggest regret...it was as if, mind fucken me was a convenience for him...
you idiot! yes, call me the idiot, cuz i am....sadly i have been....

so screw you! i'm a happy girl...go away, and stop fucken play with my head! urgh!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T01:20:00.001+11:00

merry christmas to my baby, who's a million miles away....

Take Note :)

2008-12-09T02:41:00.001+11:00

click here to support mine!

The Spirit!

2008-12-02T23:54:00.003+11:00

As Christmas is drawing near, and i basically have nothing else better to do, obviously, i have been busying finding clothes to sell, at the same time, making Christmas cards for the orphanage mommy is bringing me to next week or so.
Was on a family trip, but here's what i found, my new love. :)
I'm still dreaming about it, ahh....

ps: nudge me if you wan a piece of my homemade lousy cards too peeps,
lots of love,
sophie

It's OUT!!

2008-12-01T03:16:00.001+11:00

a long day's hard work, check em out alrites!

JunkzDeluxe

sobriety

2008-11-29T03:50:00.003+11:00

Home sweet home

2008-11-29T03:16:00.004+11:00

im home :) and its clearly good to be home. and everything's been sorted out. i can finally let out a sigh. to start anew.

first things first, i got ksubieye :)

and then,
up to date to-do-list:
1. take some sorta insurance agent exam for the sake of mom
2. sell all the junk and clothes i have
3. hide at home
4. be daddy's good girl
5. eat
6. eat
7. eat
8. eattttttt
9. and cook :)

curry chicken
lamb spaghetti

this is how you do it, donkey =p
lamb stock first,
stir fry lamb strips with tomatoes

voila!

lastly,
vain me :)

ps: i think i need to go out and see the sunlight soon. tmrw? maybe. :)